


Brothers

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Season 13 Codas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Uses Actual Words, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e22 Exodus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 01:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14630985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: A coda to Season13 Episode 22 of Supernatural.Dean comforts Castiel after the loss of Gabriel.





	Brothers

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Братья](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801856) by [TModestova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TModestova/pseuds/TModestova)



Castiel listened to Bobby proclaim, "And now a toast to our new brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester. Thanks, boys."

He quietly turned around and walked away, deeper into the depths of the bunker where they seldom ventured. In the solitude of an empty room, he slid to the floor, wrapped his arms around his knees, and stared at the ground in front of him. Big, wracking sobs filled his frame. Losing Gabriel the first time was hard, losing him this time was devastating. Gabriel had been his last hope for saving Heaven. Castiel failed his brother and Heaven yet again.

He also failed Kelly. He had seen Jack deny him and call Lucifer father. Jack was mourning Lucifer. He murmured under his breath, "Why did I come back from the Empty at all?"

Castiel stood up and started punching the wall, repeatedly. The wall cracked and crumbled from the force of his punches. He had seen the other world's Castiel; he knew what he could become. What he had become. Torturing humans for the Winchesters wasn't that far different than torturing humans for angels. What he had done because apparently he did whatever it took to save the Winchesters, but he didn't do whatever it took to save his angel brethren. The humans didn't care in their jubilation that Gabriel had sacrificed himself so that they all could escape. His knuckles were raw and bleeding from repeatedly battering the wall when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to find Rowena standing behind him. She said simply, "I'm sorry, Castiel. I didn't know Gabriel very long and I know you didn't approve of our short dalliance, but I could see his true face. He was everything Lucifer isn't. You are everything Lucifer isn't."

Castiel felt the sting of tears in his eyes as he looked down at the diminutive redhead. Castiel stammered, "I'm sorry we lost your son. Crowley saved me more than once. He also led me astray and caused a major catastrophe, but he helped us save the world. I mourn his loss."

"I didn't get why he helped you and the boys before. But, now I do. I always thought they were manipulating him, but now I know he did what he did because they matter. You matter."

Castiel smiled gratefully and then the smiled faded. "I try my best."

Rowena hugged him, as Castiel stood awkwardly. "I know you do, love. I'm truly sorry."

Castiel watched as she turned and walked away. He ran his fingers through his hair and then tugged off his tie. He dropped his trench coat on the floor and shrugged out of his suit jacket. He then sat in the corner of the room. He glared at the light in the room before causing it to explode. He stared mindlessly in the dark, lost in his pain.

When Dean said quietly, "Cas?" Castiel looked toward the doorway, unsure of how much time had passed. 

Dean flipped the light switch before realizing Castiel had broken the light bulb. Dean waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, before he walked over to Castiel, squatting beside where Castiel was sitting. "You okay, buddy?" Dean asked, placing a hand on his back.

Castiel looked at him emotionlessly, "Why do you ask stupid questions?"

Dean looked at him confused. "What?"

"When you saw Sam bleeding out from the vampires, were you okay, buddy?" Castiel growled, standing up. "When he was dead, were you okay?" Castiel's voice rose until it felt like the room itself was shaking. The room was illuminated by the blue glow of Castiel's energy. His wings were illuminated against the back wall.

"Cas…"

"He was my last hope for Heaven. I should never have let you drag him along on this fool's errand."

"Saving Jack and my mother was not a fool's errand," Dean growled.

"Except now Jack hates me, hates us. He and your mother want to go back to fight Michael. What exactly did we accomplish besides giving Michael the archangel he needs to get back to our reality, our world?" Castiel turned away. "Gabriel was my brother, Dean. I loved him. He wasn't a tool for you to use. I'm not a tool for you to use. You once asked if I was a hammer and I said no, but I was wrong. I'm nothing but a hammer, just not one for Heaven."

Dean stared at Castiel with his mouth agape. After a moment, he said, "I'm sorry, Cas, if I made you feel that way. Man, you aren't a hammer. You're my gravity."

Castiel stood still listening. He looked at Dean mistrustfully, "What do you mean?"

Dean paused for a moment, "You know I'm not good at talking about feelings, Cas. If anyone else had told me not to run down that tunnel to rescue Sam, I would have pushed past them. I listened because of you. All of us might be dead if you hadn't stopped me. You are what keeps me from spinning off my axis. Every time."

Castiel sighed, "Yes, you need me."

Dean grabbed his arm, "There's a difference between needing someone because they can do things for you and needing someone to simply exist. If you could have seen me before you came back, I was messed up just as much as I ever was with Sam, man. I wanted to die without you. I would have left Sammy and this whole fucked up mess without a second thought because you weren't here."

Castiel exhaled slowly to release pent-up tension. His shoulders relaxed subtly. "I need you too, Dean."

"Maybe Jack can bring Gabriel back like he did you. I don't know, but it's worth a shot. And Jack doesn't hate you, he's just confused. That's what Lucifer does, confuses peoples. Mom told me to trust Jack. She knows him better than I do now. If she tells me to trust him, I'm going to trust him."

"I know what the Empty is now. I don't want to imagine Gabriel there. I can't, Dean."

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, putting his forehead against Castiel's. "We'll make Michael pay. We'll figure out how to fix Heaven. We'll see if there's anything we can do about Gabriel. Together, Cas, together."

Castiel gave a short nod. "First, Michael. Then, Heaven. Then Gabriel."

Dean put a hand on each of Castiel's shoulders, "That night in the barn with Ramiel. You said something." Dean stared intently into Castiel's eyes in the dim light.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably, "I thought I was dying, Dean…"

"No, Cas. I know you said what you meant. Those three words are really hard for me but know it's what I feel. I'm sorry I didn't respond to them then. It took me losing you to realize that someday we will run out of chances. I don't want to run out of chances."

Castiel smiled at him slightly, "I'm an angel. I know what you feel."

"I don't acknowledge everything you've given up for us very often. I get frustrated and scared, and sometimes I take it out on you. But never doubt, I would die for you."

"Let's hope it never comes to that," Castiel replied softly. "You're my home. Whether it's in the back of the Impala, a smelly hotel room, a junkyard, or the bunker. You and Sam are my home."

Dean answered, "I wouldn't have it any other way."He put his arms around Castiel, and they stood in the dark holding each other tightly.


End file.
